Nob Hewer’s merry men, well, half of them, made the journey to top of the table Rayleigh. Notoriously, a superb bowling attack, some of the junior batsmen arrived unkeen on the well-publicised gas of the Rayleigh opening bowler. There were two league debutants on show, J Ridge – very lost and wondering what Nob was thinking – and touted youngster Issey, who had impressed in a 1s pre-season friendly. Henge was putting in an early clubman of the year shout, making the journey down from Leeds, answering the call in a week of terror availability (wouldn’t have bothered to be honest mate. If you’re a fan of high-quality cricket, buy yourself 15 mins back and stop reading now. If you enjoy a good laugh at the expense of others, do continue.)
Nob went out to toss-up, and secured the first early W of the day, winning and deciding to have a bat. The message from El Capitan was clear – bat long, build a platform, bat big. With that in mind, the skipper was keen to lead by example and strode out to open the batting with J Ridge. Ridge, fresh off the back of a kip on the tube last night after a heavy session, was ready and rearing to go on debut. The bearded opener from the top end (following a huge wide to get proceedings underway) put on an exhibition in swing bowling and finding a great area. From the pavilion end Du Plessis was bowling his heat, hitting a great area and giving nothing away. Although runs were not forthcoming, so far so good, with Hewer and Ridge digging in. However, what occurred in the 6th over was simply bizarre. Following a well-directed du Plessis, Nob swayed out the way and went on an off-balance sponsored walk towards square leg. After what seemed like a lifetime (I’m sure the world rotated a little bit), the keeper chucked the ball towards the stumps and appealed. Umps obliged, and Nob was on his way as probably the first victim of a stumping off a 70mph bowler in the TRippon. In walked FGA at 3 looking to steady the ship. Not long after, J Ridge went fishing outside off stump and nicked off to 2nd slip for 2 (they usually drop them there in div 10). Henge joined Fugs in the middle looking to make the 400 mile round trip worthwhile. However, 3 balls later it was clear JD should’ve stayed put – top edging a cut shot to the keeper. Melman was in at 5 and looked like he was playing a different game to the other batsmen, biding his time and playing some lovely shots when the opportunities presented themselves. After 8 overs of what looked like a recovery, FGA nicked off after battling hard for little reward. Melman went soon after, getting cleaned up by the handy change bowler, as did new at the crease Mutton. It was getting pretty bun out there, Strobot and Danny Allen both went for ducks, both missing straight ones – the only difference that the Bot kicked his. Jonny Hewer was in at 9 and looked to be the only batsman on display, playing some fine shots and being pretty untroubled. The team was in trouble though at 34-8… very bun indeed. Some DQ bombs were needed if we had any chance of a score, but umps finger was up before it had hit Q’s pad, and he was on his way first ball. Issey came in at 11 and looked assured, keeping Jonny company. The skipper’s part time spin was enough to get rid of Iss though, nicking off to first slip, and we were all out for 53. Honking.
After a quick turnaround – the tumbling wickets had given everyone time to consume their meal deals. Nob’s Subway was a personal highlight, absolute genius – we were back underway. Q and Issey getting things rolling. The boys had hoped to be back in the Bull by 3:30 to make the best of a bad situation, but the Rayleigh openers had other ideas, dragging things out for as long as possible. Q and Issey had started well, but couldn’t break through the barn door that was the opener’s bats. Bunner came on to bowl his tweakers, and was hitting a lovely area, rattling off 3 maidens and keeping things tightttt. Henge was on to bowl his 40mph bullets, to try to make things to happen at the other end, and make things happen he did – pinning the opener LBW. A good day for Henge, a contribution for every 400 miles driven. The standard of fielding was good, the work on Thursdays clearly paying off (well done Fugs), but there was time for J Ridge to drop a debut catch off a short wide one from JD. Good. Jonny decided the pub was calling, bowling an over of drag downs at the number 3 who was also keen to get it done - .4442. – that will move things along nicely. Nob wanted to really make sure it was done, and the Bot was on for some declaration bowling. Lovely.
A 9 wicket L and a pretty bun day out for the boys. In the words of Joe Davis, ‘it can happen’.
MOTM: Jonny Hewer
